What Darwin Missed: Part 2

And now for Part 2, which is only somewhat related to Part 1! Yes, it was only supposed to be two parts, but as I began part 2 it became clear that a Part 3 would be in order.


If you're unfamiliar with the actual scientific explanations of evolution, let me break it down for you. As creatures reproduce, sometimes mutations will occur. This could mean something unattractive, like a third nostril, or something with potential, like a third breast. A third nostril would certainly make it difficult for a mature human to find a mate. A third breast, however, especially on a female, while certainly catching potential mates off guard, might give that female an advantage, especially if you throw a third arm into the mix. A woman that can nurse three babies at once would surely have an advantage in both the mating pool and the porn industry. A third nostril, not so much. So as mates are chosen based on these preferred traits, what was once a mutation becomes a characteristic of the species.

What women actually want, however, depends on who you listen to. Darwin would say a woman must look for a physically strong man who can protect her and hunt many buffalo. Or pints of Ben and Jerry's as the case may be. Herbert Spencer, the father of Social Darwinism, would say she should look for a man with leadership, intelligence, money, and the meanest golf swing in plaid pants. If you listen to Freud, we all just want to marry our fathers, a hypothesis for which I have seen quite a bit of supporting evidence. But remember, Freud did die with a cigar in his mouth.

But we all know couples that defy these ideas. And we've seen their offspring.