I sleep all night and I work all day.
My sister got that song stuck in my head about eight months ago and it's still there.
On a gaming forum I visit occasionally, someone posted a list entitled "Top 100 Reasons to Have a Penis." I'm not going to list them all, but here are a few.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. Little does he know.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex. True, but in this case invisibility may be preferable.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night. That all depends, doesn't it?
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat. Ha! Clearly this was not written by my husband.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store. Huh???
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. So can I, buddy. In fact I'll bet my chest looks better than yours, and I've nursed two babies.
Why are men so hung up on penises? Honestly! If you ever saw the Rob Schneider movie Hot Chick, the bit I liked best was when the ugly man and the beautiful girl first realized they had swapped bodies and were checking themselves out in their respective bathroom mirrors. Rob Schneider was all excited about exploring his new womanly body while the Hot Chick in his body was grossed out and couldn't figure out how to pee.
So here are a few reasons I'm happy not to have a penis, thank you very much.
1. Ew!
2. I can get out of just about anything by citing "female troubles."
3. When I'm moody I can claim PMS. What's your excuse?
4. Chocolate cures just about anything.
5. I can cry at a movie without worrying about what anyone thinks.
6. Gross!
7. I can talk a penis man into just about anything just by smiling and acting coy.
8. I get to stay at home and blog enjoy my time with the kids while my husband works long hours to support us.
9. I can order as many fruity drinks as I want, with colored sugar on the rim and big flowery umbrellas, and no one will raise an eyebrow.
10. I can be sick and do my job at the same time.
I'd like to thank my wonderful sister-in-law, Sarah, for the incredible job she did photoshopping the pics for my new header. It looks soooo much better! This one is my favorite: 
I'm forever immortalized in a digital embrace with Gerard Butler (sigh). This is my new desktop wallpaper, and if I could have it made into wallpaper for my bedroom I'd put it there too. Definitely not going there with toilet paper though.
Don't you wish you had my sister-in-law? I've been trying to talk her into starting her own web design business. And you can bet if she ever does it I will be plugging her incessantly. Because she is that good.
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17 Excellent Points:
Marie:
You've just made my first day in the New Year 2008.
For just one reason, I don't want to be a women.
I never want to have PMS.
Your sister-in-Law are really good at photo retouching .. I think she can be the Internet paparazzi without even going out to take photos.
:-)
I love being a woman because it means I can wear skinny jeans and stilletos.
But no, I really do not understand "gender reassignment" and why someone would want to change into the opposite sex.
But then again, I don't feel like a man trapped in my female body.
What's a penis?
Very good Photo shopping. I wish I had photoshop to play around with. Although that would mean I'd be spending even more time on the computer...
What a great list! Though sometimes I do wish for a penis, though. Apparently they get in the way when you're trying to do laundry or dishes, or find things, or put kids to bed, and hey, you know, it would be nice to have that excuse...
Love the new header! Happy New year, Marie!
In my case, not having a penis didn't help me get to stay home while hubby works all day ;-)
Don't you know that a woman can't eat a banana anywhere without the guys thinking it's erotic? Didn't you get the manual?
Terence- Men get moody too, we women simply have a biological hall pass to be so.
Jacki- It would definitely be difficult to wear skinny jeans with a penis.
Mr. Fab- it's this dangly extension of the male brain. Tis one blogger I read makes prints of his for greeting cards, and makes sculpey penis jewelry.
Summer- there's a free version I downloaded called The Gimp, but I'm too ADD to work it out. I'd love to take a class or something and learn how to d it properly.
MadMad- This is true... yet somehow an enormous pregnant belly doesn't get in the way?
Ree- True, not every woman is so lucky. Though I have to admit to being jealous of the ladies that get to go interact with other adults during the day.
Jeff- You obviously haven't seen me eat a banana. If my husband starts to smirk, I just make sure to use lots and lots of teeth.
i've worn tight jeans with funky shoes, its all in where the tight parts are.
Sarah does have alot of patience and talent, but she seems to think she doesn't. typical of genius.
Okay... sometimes I come here and visit and it just creeps me out. But for weird reasons. Today's reasons are:
1.I have had that lumberjack song stuck in my head for the past week.
2. I keep describing things I like as "makiing me hard" and then becoming upset that I don't have a penis and therefore, I'm obviously not hard. I also have a strong desire to tell people I don't like to suck my dick. Sad reality is... I don't have a dick.
Jason- Of course you could wear skinny jeans. You're skinny!
108- You could get a penis anytime you want! That's what's so great about it, we girls have the best of both worlds. I think anyone that's ever heard that song has it stuck in their head for eternity. That and the Inspector Gadget song.
The only times I have ever wished for a penis have been while camping, and while singing with a band. You wouldn't BELIEVE how much people expect you to be a slut if you're in a band... but it's a lot more permissible if one is male. I, not being a slut, basically got fired for it, though- a guy in a band that doesn't sleep around is just known as "the quiet one."
I had the Lumberjack song stuck in my head for a long, long time- then I started listening to Tool to get to sleep. Cured!
Yes, Sarah is a genius. And she's cute, too!
Well, if you're going to eat a bannana at the hardware store...for Gods sake don't cut it into slices...it's just too Lorraine Bobbit!
I wouldn't call myself a genius. You guys are all biased. :P But perhaps someday, when I don't come home from work and am sick of seeing a computer...I may just consider a side business.
Ah, that picture of you with Gerard Butler! You have one cool sister-in-law.
I'm glad I don't have a penis because it means:
I can ask for help opening jars
I can get out of mowing
I don't have to know how to use power tools
I can sit down and take a break when I need to go to the bathroom
I don't have to lift heavy objects
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