BiC Kugelschreiber Cristal Kugelschreiber Cristal schwarz

I've heard before of fake reviews for products on Amazon, written generally for the sheer entertainment of the reviewers. I've even come across one or two myself. But this takes it to a whole new level.

On the UK Amazon site, reviewers have taken their experiences with the purchase of a simple pen to levels of creative insanity that boggle the mind. Here are just a very few excerpts, click here to see the full list.

"The nib of a Bic pen is perfectly designed for cutting through the laminate top of school desks and carving intricate designs into the hardboard beneath. As a bonus, any ink that was deposited into the etchings served to enhance the overall aesthetic effect. The Bic Crystal ballpoint pen surpassed even the Property of U.S. Government pens that so many of my classmates used due to their ubiquitous presence in the NSA ghettos of Maryland."

"I was writing my 4000 page memoirs with this pen and was about finished when I realised It had ran out of ink three years earlier. Beware!"

"Overall I am happy with my new pen, I use it to write words and also scribble. Sometimes I hold the pen like it was a cigarette absent-mindedly, or chew on the end. The ink is tasty and free flowing. I wish I could have bought more than one, but my last name isn't Rockefeller. Keep a close eye on this beauty, because it is easy to lose and people try to carry it off like thieving scoundrels if you don't watch them."

"As a physician, life and death decisions are a daily occurrence. On rare days when no such decision avails itself, I go to the nearest seafood restaurant and solemnly point to the most spiteful-looking lobster and laugh menacingly as he is removed from the tank. Nonetheless, one day I was using my Bic Crystal ballpoint pen, medium point, black, on rounds. On approach to the nurse station, a rather attractive young hire pointed out that I had a thermometer on my ear. I could only summon the wherewithal to observe that some arse must have my pen. Please also note that the main difference between this instrument and a rectal thermometer is the taste."

"I ordered 300 of these individually gift wrapped for a client's wedding and was horrified to learn 14 minutes before the reception that this is NOT REAL CRYSTAL!!! From an arms length and after 3 stoli martinis this could easily pass for Ireland's finest leaded or even a clear quartz from the mines of Malay but one look under the jewelers glass and it was immediately apparent that Bic was using low grade plastique. I will give their craftsmen due credit for their obvious mastery with the grinding and polishing wheels, as i've rarely encountered such precision in a "cigarette cut" piece. But crystal? Snort! I THINK NOT!"

" Anyone who thinks that the pen is mightier then the sword should try to take over my castle. That's right -- I'm looking at you!"

"While the look of this item is similar to that of the original iMac with it being crystal, it doesn't have any of the inherent properties of the apple products. For one I had issues with the font that this item produces, it it illegible to anyone else except myself (or so I'm told) where as when other people use this the font changes and becomes much more legible."

"Some people say you can't polish a turd, but after using this pen, I'd say they're just not rubbing hard enough."

"If I am not mistaken, this model of pen was owned by Robert Reed, the so-called "shoe bomber". As a result, anyone who has bought one of these pens in the last 5 years has been placed on the US "no fly list" and may be refused entry to the USA. "

" I understand that this is the very brand of pen that Jesus used to jot down the Ten Commandments. Own a piece of history."

" Personally, I can't believe someone would be caught dead with one of these pieces of proletarian rubbish. At my law firm, Clifford Chance, a most prestigious English establishment, we use quill and ink, as other civilised professionals are most fond of using. The very thought of using an injection-molded plastic instrument to draft earth-shaping corporate documents offends my professional sensibilities. With Prestige and Honour, H. Maxwell Harbinger VI, Esq."

"Staring down a maniacal cosmonaut in his secret underground missile base, I instinctively reached for the BIC Crystal ballpoint in my pocket, only to discover to my horror that it did NOT have an emergency laser gun inside it."

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