How to Find the Perfect Name

I was five or so years old when I began to think about the names I might give to my future children. I think girls naturally think about this more than boys, not just because most of us have a maternal instinct, but because often little girls are given dolls, and of course they must be named. A little girl will name a doll something she thinks is cute or pretty, or just something she heard, and it doesn't always make sense. Naming an actual baby requires much more thought and foresight.

I've mentioned before that I am something of a nomenclature freak. I've been entrenched in the particulars of naming especially since I became a mother nearly five years ago. When I talk to new mothers, I often find that they become overwhelmed and confused by all the pressure involved. Finding the perfect name is a serious business.

So I've put together this little guide, with the goal of helping new parents find the name they feel is right for their child.

Distribution of power. Talk with your partner about who will inevitably make the final decision. Of course finding a name that you both love is optimal, but things don't always work out that way. Often, one partner feels more strongly about a name than the other. It's important to work this out ahead of time in order to prevent disagreements down the road.

Finding your style. Some people already have a few names in mind, others have no idea where to start. Even if you feel your list is final, it's not a bad idea to shop around. Once you figure out what niche you tend to fall into, it becomes a lot easier to find names you'll love. Maybe you want a classic name, or something more modern, something that honors your heritage or ends with a certain sound. The key is to find what you like, then utilize the tools available to refine your search.

Where to find names. Most people immediately think of baby naming books as good sources. But we live in the digital age, and beyond the usual alphabetized lists with meanings and origins, such as the trusted Behind the Name site, many sites allow you to conduct a more specific search. On Nymbler for example, you can type in names that you know you like, and it will generate a list of names that fall into the same category. Another popular resource is the Baby Name Wizard book, which also pairs favored names with new possibilities, and predicts future trends associated with each name.

Be aware that not every guide or tool out there is credible. For many people, the meanings and origins of names are very important. Unfortunately there are some sources out there that will invent meanings for recently created names, or will re-invent meanings for names with less than pretty meanings. Mall kiosks that print name poems and such are especially guilty of this. My name, for example, means "bitter, sorrowful," and Cameron means "crooked nose." I use these two names as a test. You'd be surprised to find that often they are redefined as such random, pretty things as "moonlit river" or "fairy of the silver star." These definitions are certainly more suitable for framing, but they are false and misleading.

Be aware of trends. Most new parents want to find a name that is unique, to reflect the individuality of themselves and their child. Many of us grew up knowing several other kids with the same name, and decided early on to spare our children that fate. But as fate would have it, the very thing Jennifer A. thinks is unique usually also occurs to Jennifers B. and C. In order to find a truly special name, it's important to be aware of what other parents are doing. You may want to avoid trends at all cost, or you may find that one of them really speaks to you.

Some recent and current naming trends:

Names rhyming with Aidan- Jaden, Brayden, Caiden, Hayden, various spellings.

Kre8tyv Spelling- Some parents like to re-spell names in a way they find more attractive, or that they feel makes the name more unusual. Caitlin becomes Katelyn, Jackson becomes Jaxon, Sierra becomes C'Ayra, Michael becomes Mykal. According to this article on BabyCenter, parents in 2007 spelled Kayleigh 34 different ways, and Jaden 26.

Replacing vowels with Y's or C's with K's- this is especially popular for girls, as many people think of Y and K as a feminizing elements. The device is most typically employed when a more masculine name is being used on a girl. Mason becomes Masyn, Jordan becomes Jordyn, Colton becomes Koltyn, Cameron becomes Kamryn.

Mixing and matching prefixes and suffixes- I have joked in the past with fellow naming addicts that I would make a naming wheel, so you can simply turn the wheel to match different prefixes and suffixes to make your very own brand-new name. Prefixes: Shay, Kay, Emma, Jay, Bree / Bry / Rye. Suffixes: lyn, leigh / lie / lee, den / dyn. And we get Shaylyn, Emmaleigh, Bryden, Rylie, and Kaylyn.

Mc Names- Names beginning with the Mc sound: Michaela / McKayla, Mckenzie, Makenna.

Backward names- by far the most common of these is Nevaeh, "heaven" backwards, although it is often misspelled as Naveah. Others I have recently heard of as possibilities are Elcarim (miracle) and Traeh (heart).

Last names as first names- found on both sexes, often considered unisex. Emerson, Weston, Finley, Hadley, Campbell, Kennedy, Grayson.

Boys' names on girls: Reese, Ryan (usually respelled as Ryanne or similar), Dylan, Carson (Karsyn), Aidan (various spellings), Alex (Alyx / Alix), Jude, Julian, Jacyn, Evan. For a more comprehensive list of popular unisex names, go here.

Ultra-masculine names on boys- with so many boys' names being taken over by girls, many parents struggle to find a name that can only be masculine. Hunter, Maddox, Maximus, Oscar.

Old-fashioned names- also known as "Old Lady" names, these have been making a comeback recently. Beatrice, Eleanor, Josephine, Hazel. This phenomenon isn't quite as pronounced among boys, although names like Harry, Henry, and George have definitely returned from relative obscurity.

Looking at the statistics. You'd be surprised how often a family will believe they've chosen a truly unusual name only to discover that the name has become the new Jennifer. If avoiding a popular name is important to you, it's easy to prevent this from happening.

The Social Security Administration maintains a database of names given to babies each year and ranks them according to popularity. On this page you can look up the most popular names for any given year, by state. You can also type in a name to see where it is ranked. Keep in mind that as more parents are kre8tyvleigh spelling their children's names, the actual ranking is not quite accurate. When you enter a name, pay attention to the left sidebar. There is a table there showing the popularity of alternate spellings for the name, which should give you something of an idea of the name's true popularity.

Other sources:

Baby Name Voyager lets you graphically explore the popularity of names since the 1880's.

The Baby Name Map allows you to look up the most popular names in most countries and regions around the world, by clicking on the area of interest on a map.

Think about long-term impact. As I've visited various naming forums, I've often seen people saying that they think a name is "cute on a baby," "sweet on a little girl," or "too babyish for a grown woman." It's important to look beyond the years of infancy and childhood. Your child will be a baby for a short time, a child for a little bit longer, and an adult for many years.

When you consider a name, think about how it might look on a resume, on a college application, on an office door, in the headlines.

Think about spelling also. Some parents worry about giving a child a name that they will find difficult to spell as they're learning to write. It doesn't take long to learn how to write even the most complicated name. It could be -and is often- argued that an uncommon spelling of a common name, or the traditional spelling of an old, unusual name (like Seamus, Siobahn or Roisin), will require constant clarification. But even the simplest names can be misspelled or mispronounced. "Is that Ann with an E?" "It's CaroLINE, not CaroLYN!"

On Middle and Full Names. Different people use the middle name slot for different purposes. Some use it to honor a family member, some to slide in a more unusual name, and some simply to fill the space.

Some names have become known for their usual status in the middle, mainly because they sound good with just about any first and last name: Marie, Lynn, Anne, Mae, and Kay have been around in this capacity for a long time; newer names joining the ranks are Claire, Elise / Elyse, Grace, and Jane. It's becoming more acceptable, though not actually common, to use two or more middle names.

Generally, the most important consideration given to the name as a whole is flow. Names take on a certain rhythm, and those rhythms aren't always compatible. For example, George James Smith sounds pretty terrible, but George Carter Smith has a nice rhythm. It's also advisable to avoid repeating sounds, such as in the name Richard Charles Hutchinson; way too much of the "ch" sound. And a middle name that begins with the same sound as the end of the first name can also cause problems: Verity Elizabeth Thorne has a nice flow, but the three names come across as stilted when said aloud.

Of course it is up to the parents to decide if these things are relevant to them. Sometimes the drive to use a certain name is of greater importance than the overall effect.

Some parents also may be concerned about the possibility of the initials spelling out an undesirable word. Fiona Artemis Turner might not appreciate her initials at a certain point; then again, it might not ever come up. It's good to be aware of this aspect of a name just in case.

To share or not to share? As you embark on your naming journey, be aware that it can often be a lonely one. Sure, everyone has an opinion, and believe me, they'd love to share it! But that can be a real problem. No matter how well-intentioned someone might be, the likelihood of them having the same taste in names is pretty slim. Someone may completely trash a name you've picked out because they think it's too trendy / popular / weird / ethnic, and that same person will give their children names that make you wince. It's nearly impossible to be truly open-minded on this subject. And I'm afraid the worst offenders can often be family members and close friends. It can be very hurtful to see your names dragged through the mud.

I highly recommend keeping any names you're considering highly classified until the baby is actually born. Once the name is attached to the face of the baby, it becomes a lot more difficult to criticize. If someone asks what names you're considering, just say you've got a few in mind but that nothing is set in stone, so you'd rather not say.

The ultimate decision. In the end, the best time to make your decision is when you see your baby. You'd be surprised how many people second guess the name they've chosen, long after the baby's been born. Many people will actually change the name. It may be a good idea to bring a list of several names you like to the birth. Once you look into your baby's eyes, no matter how unformed he or she may yet be, you will have a more concrete idea of which name will be best than you do before the birth, when the baby is less real to you.

If you have anything to add, please say so in the comments. I will be continuously updating this guide as other things occur to me. If you'd like to share it with others, please link back to me and give credit where it is due, in accordance with the Creative Commons License in my sidebar.

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