A Stroll Down Memarie Lane

If you've ever clicked on my profile, you may have noticed I don't really like to blather on about myself. I think that comes from having been on myspace for so long; all those bulletin surveys quickly become much more fun to fill out than to read. And even then it doesn't take long before pondering whether my favorite color is yellow or red, or trying to remember the last time I cried (1988?) becomes tantamount to standing in line at the DMV. I am frankly sick of myself. But for the sake of introductions I will attempt to be as illuminating as possible.

Here is my life story in a nutshell, synopsis at the end.

I am an all-American girl, born and raised in the Southern California desert, in a sort of radical Pentacostal fire-and-brimstone church, which had me getting up in the middle of the night to make sure my family hadn't been raptured without me or the moon turned to blood. I was homeschooled for about two years. Back in public school I was school spelling bee champion two years in a row, played clarinet in band, and was an above-average, but not exceptional student, mainly because I was lazy. Some things never change.

I used to want to be a writer and an archaeologist. I had a couple poems published right after high school and got all excited until I found out it was a vanity press. I'm no longer interested in being a writer, it seems trite. I prefer to read and criticize.

One week before I was to leave for college in San Diego, I got a call that my funding had fallen through. My hopes dashed, I enrolled at the local community college, where I halfheartedly signed up for, and then dropped, nothing but art and writing classes.

I tried moving in with my brother to get out of the house and feel more like an adult, but I couldn't afford the rent. So I moved in with a friend, whose chow-chow mauled me unprovoked. During my convalescence I converted to Mormonism and fell in love with the missionary who baptized me. It was a very strong, but forbidden love, against all odds, and in this case the odds won. Disillusioned and broken-hearted, I left the Mormon church.

I began my career in the hotel industry, first as caretaker of a small Moroccan bed and breakfast, then as a concierge / nutrition counselor / office gopher at a holistic health center (which I have written about a bit in My Celebrity Detox). At both of these places I met many celebrities, writers, and photographers, the majority of which were disappointingly nice and downright normal.

I began dating Brad, my school friend Delanie's older brother, when I was 23. Everyone was rather weirded out by it. I was a straight-laced professional, he was a grubby biker that worked part-time at UPS and still lived with his mom. Shortly after we began dating my roommate went crazy and tried to kill himself, requiring me to find alternate living arrangements (pleased to say said roommate is now a linguist with a very prestigious university and we are still friends, though he never has thanked me for saving his life). So naturally I moved in with Brad. And his mom. And his little brother. Fun times.

I went back to school, taking real classes this time, and aced them. I discovered that I was a math and science whiz, subjects I had been sheltered from before then, because girls are only supposed to be good at English.

We got married on Halloween in 2001. We wore jeans and t-shirts, I wore a tiara. We decided to move to Oregon purely to get out of California. I got a job as front desk/ sales manager for a Best Western, where I had full and unadulterated access to a breakfast bar laden with donuts and waffles. Brad worked as a chimney sweep. I got pregnant.

Max was born in Silverton, Oregon in May of 2003. It was a very traumatic labor and birth, regardless of having an excellent OB and a wonderful nursing staff. You can't take the hospital out of a hospital.

We immediately moved to Florida, where we had been promised work. As soon as we got there, completely penniless, that promise was revoked. Brad had to resort to the first job he could find, with a telemarketing room. I began my stint as a SAHM.

Hurricanes suck. Very much bad. There were things I liked about Florida, I made some good friends there and found a great moms' group. I got pregnant again, at the same time as 11 other moms in the group, and eight of us shared a midwife. I did things differently this time, I signed on for an all natural water birth. And oh what a difference! But I will write about that in a couple weeks for Lotus' carnival. Needless to say I am now a HUGE home- and water-birth advocate.

Last March we drove to California, where I was a groomswoman in my brother's wedding. He made me wear a skirt, the blighter! Then we back-tracked to New Mexico, where we settled into the ghetto where we currently reside. My parents followed us here just after Christmas.

Max will be five in May, and we will be beginning his homeschooling career in September. A month after that we are expecting a new little one, whose gender we will hopefully discover in about eight weeks.

Reading back through that it hardly seems illuminating, so here is Memarie Lane, in brief.

- I really hate negativity and avoid negative people as much as possible.
- I appreciate humor of all kinds.
- I love to read, and am a book snob.
- I am a nomenclature freak.
- I've recently started going back to church.
- We haven't watched TV since 2003.
- I don't consider myself a mommy blogger, though I do write about mommy stuff from time to time. It's kinda hard to avoid. But you won't find recipes or craft ideas here.
- I mainly write about life in general (as opposed to mine in particular), and the humor often found therein.
- I don't do product reviews or memes, and only do carnivals on very rare occasions.
- I am a reformed gamer, so I sometimes cannot repress words such as "woot," "noob," and "pwned."
- I consider politics and religion to be private matters, I rarely bring them up.
- I do get a little dirty now and then, but I keep it clean for the most part.
- I think it's unfair that men are barred from this carnival. Just my humble opinion.

And I think that's about it. Thanks for stopping by, and I hope to see you back.

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