Baby showers. Some people love them, most people just go for the cake or out of a sense of obligation. Mainly we have them because new mothers depend on them to help prepare for a new baby.
It's no secret that having a baby is an expensive venture, especially if you go by the checklists of "essential" baby items stores hand out to pregnant women. I got one in the mail the other day that listed a grand total of 193 items, many that I -as a third-timer- know to be completely useless. But new moms don't know this, and can't know it until they learn for themselves. So they have to have everything on those lists, from those ridiculous burqua-like nursing covers to the nail clippers they'll end up being afraid to use to the diaper pails that stink to high heaven no matter what they promise.
And that's why I'm trying to come up with my own useless baby product to market. Too bad the pee-pee tee-pee has been done.
Anyway, there is a fierce ongoing debate about whether it's appropriate to host a baby shower for a mother who is on her second, third, or what-have-you baby. Many people feel adamantly that baby showers are only for first-time mothers, and that having a shower for a second-time mother borders on greed. Others think that such showers are okay, but rather than baby items, guests should bring things for the mother or books for the baby's library, things of that nature. Both camps agree that if a woman has already had a baby she should already have everything she needs.
Not true. Here's why.
- Not everyone plans to have another baby. People think they're done, get rid of their baby stuff, and- surprise!
- Very often, when #2 is born, #1 is still using many of the necessary items.
- Let's say the first baby was a girl, so the mom gleefully buys a pink stroller, pink bouncy seat, a mobile with butterflies, etc. Then she finds out #2 is a boy, and she's going to have to replace everything.
- Families move, more now then ever before in history. And when they move, they have to get rid of a lot of stuff, anything that's not currently in use.
- Sometimes people will lend their baby things to a friend, who is often still using them when their owner is ready to have another. This can be an ugly situation.
And the biggest reason a 2nd timer ought to have a baby shower should be the most obvious. A woman with no children has a heck of a lot more money to be spending on pee-pee tee-pees and burquas than does a veteran. In fact that veteran is often lucky to have the money for a haircut every couple of years, let alone to prepare for yet another little bundle of debt. And is in a heck of a lot more need of a couple hours with friends and presents and cake than a first-timer who as yet has the liberty do such things whenever she feels like it.
And as a third child myself, I think it's important to show that every baby, from the first to the fifteenth, is equal cause for celebration.
And no, I'm not asking for a baby shower, you can get that idea out of your head right now. I'm with Cookiebitch on this one.
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Baby shower for every baby, is what I say. It's not about the gifts, it's about the love and the excitement. We often give frozen meals or a calendar with everyone signed up for a day to bring dinner after the baby is due. It's easy enough to pick up stuff second-hand or get hand-me-downs; but it's also nice to have one or two new things for the brand new baby.
IMO - that whole "no shower for subsequent babies" thing is SO OLD FASHIONED.
They don't do babyshowers in Belgium...when I get knocked up my American peeps better be sending me stuff. Especially with the dollar value being what it is.
Now keep in mind this was 18 -14 years ago but......
My 1st Baby = Huge baby shower, big to do. Had a boy
My 2nd baby = No baby shower. Had a girl, but people were excited after her birth and gave me girl clothes.
My 3rd baby = born 17 months after the second. People were disgusted, only close friends gave me cards. There were 3 of us due in a 3 month time span with 2nd or 3rd babies, so we gave each other food showers. People had to bring home cooked meals ready to freeze, so that we could make it through those hard first weeks with dinners.
I agree with the every baby needs a shower. Your points are perfect, I mean just cause I had all 4 boys doesnt mean I kept everything.
But like most for the 1st baby I had a huge party, almost all my friends showed up and we all rejoiced that I was having a baby. For my 2nd one only my close friends came with the OMG I cant believe you got knocked up cards and diapers(which if you are not crusty diapers are a big must) the 3rd was born 3yrs after the 2nd even my close friends didnt come, I have a quite tea party where most of my close friends sent condoms and birth control ads for me while new friends brought me diapers and baby wash, on the 4th I didnt tell anyone until I was 5mnths, my sister and the SPmommies were the only ones in attendance. My close friends stopped by dropped off a gift that all 5 of them chipped in on (a box of diapers and one baby outfit) and of course a box of condoms.
I also move alot, not as great of a move as yourself but from apt to apt which doesnt leave alot of room for stuff. Im just glad I hadnt gotten rid of my cribs otherwise that would ahve been a huge OMG Cass what were you thinking. I actually had one friend offer to throw thank god she cant have any more party. Sometimes you wonder why you are friends with these people.
I agree with the every baby needs a shower. Your points are perfect, I mean just cause I had all 4 boys doesnt mean I kept everything.
But like most for the 1st baby I had a huge party, almost all my friends showed up and we all rejoiced that I was having a baby. For my 2nd one only my close friends came with the OMG I cant believe you got knocked up cards and diapers(which if you are not crusty diapers are a big must) the 3rd was born 3yrs after the 2nd even my close friends didnt come, I have a quite tea party where most of my close friends sent condoms and birth control ads for me while new friends brought me diapers and baby wash, on the 4th I didnt tell anyone until I was 5mnths, my sister and the SPmommies were the only ones in attendance. My close friends stopped by dropped off a gift that all 5 of them chipped in on (a box of diapers and one baby outfit) and of course a box of condoms.
I also move alot, not as great of a move as yourself but from apt to apt which doesnt leave alot of room for stuff. Im just glad I hadnt gotten rid of my cribs otherwise that would ahve been a huge OMG Cass what were you thinking. I actually had one friend offer to throw thank god she cant have any more party. Sometimes you wonder why you are friends with these people.
I think that having a baby shower for every baby is just fine. It's more about celebrating the new addition to the family than the gifts. I think it's even better if family and friends plan the baby shower to congratulate the mom without even telling her. I think it's borderline greed if a mom plans her own baby shower time after time...
playful- I agree that it's in bad taste to plan your own shower. But I also think it's a very bad idea to make a baby shower a surprise, for two reasons.
1. Not a good idea to surprise a pregnant woman in any way IMO. We've got stress, hormones, etc. up the ying yang, last thing we need is someone throwing confetti in our face and screaming "surprise!"
2. If there's anything a mother-to-be is intent on, it's planning. If she doesn't know there's going to be a shower, especially if it's left 'til very late like many showers are, she won't have any idea what to buy, what not to buy, if she should bother registering anywhere, and most of all... if anyone CARES. KWIM?
My SIL Delanie FINALLY got pregnant a couple years ago after five years of fertility treatments. We were all very excited, and two of our friends planned a surprise online shower for her. But they kept putting it off for one reason or another, and one day Delanie called me and cried because she thought no one cared. So I spilled the beans, and she cheered up immensely. Everyone else got mad at me of course, but SHE was happy and that's what was important to me. And if they hadn't kept delaying it, or had told her about it from the beginning, there wouldn't have been an issue, ya know?
Suburban- that's a good point, one reason I DON'T want a shower this time is because I don't want to end up with a bunch of stuff I don't need like I did with the last two, and because I really don't care if the stuff is new or not. I'll be getting the few things I need from Freecycle most likely, which I will be more than happy with, but as a first time mom terrified of anything that wasn't sterilized or shrink-wrapped, that idea would have horrified me.
Oh, that Pee-Pee Tee-Pee...yes, obviously only a product someone without a kid would buy. We opted instead for the Pee-Pee Old Washcloth.
I had babyshowers with my first two. Only because they were planned and thrown for me, I didn't have a choice (well I could have angered people by not showing up). But my third and fourth I didn't want them, didn't want to seem greedy.
So how come they don't have something equivalent for the prospective Dad? How come it's just the Mom? I mean, it''s not like we don't participate in the process, at least at SOME point. Huh?
I'm definitely in the "sense of obligation" club when it comes to baby showers. Not to mention our family's lack of the "weepy" gene" you've mentioned before- I just can't sit there and go "awww, how adorable!" ::shudder::
BTW I'm defending the wonder- bra on my blog- let me know what you think. I'll be getting around to blogging on the polygamy thing as a non- mormon Utahn sometime soon.
With my first baby, my friends and family threw me a shower.
Second baby, my best girlfriends took me to brunch.
I'm told if I have a third, they are taking me to Starbucks for a cafe latte.
I'm not a huge fan of baby showers so one was good for me.
But I'm a fan of any happy celebration so whatever a mom-to-be wants - that's why she should get.
my experience with baby boys makes me wonder what keeps the peepee teepee from becoming projectile when ...well,... "activated"
I think I'd disagree with bullet #3. Who cares if the equipment isn't gender-appropriate? My son has all kinds of pink stuff that he inherited from his big sister; I just tell people he's very secure in his manhood.
I fully agree. I've been showered for all three of my babies and am very thankful for it. Plus I love going to baby showers. Shower away!
I think there should be a baby shower.....in Mr. Man's honor..... and only he is required to go!
Heck my second baby shower was a "diaper" shower. As my kids are a year and two days apart in age, that's the only thing I really needed or wanted anyone else to buy.
I hated showers - and getting all that stuff you don't really want/need anyway. But I am with SC on this - it's about the love sometimes... And those poor third kids - as you know - they get nothing new! Our neighbor just had her third, and was walking around with a little sweater I made the baby saying it was the only thing the kid had of her own that wasn't a hand-me-down! Poor widdle baby! Imagine! One of my ugly, ill-fitting sweaters as your only thing!
I'm so with you that every baby should be honored and showered -- presents are nice and fine, but it's about the celebration and the time spent with family and friends and being happy with each other.
I had a shower only once. At work. When I got married, I was 4 months pregnant (we had gotten engaged months before that but ummm we were a little enthusiastic?).
None of my friends threw me a shower for the baby. Possibly because my MOH couldn't be bothered to throw me a wedding shower, so no one really knew who should do it. It really hurt that my friends wouldn't think of it (but then again I was the first to HAVE a baby -- at 27!), but again it was about spending time together, and we've definitely done that since.
Nothing when Little Miss was born either... but most people I know are in the one shower per mom camp. That I was fine with, but celebrations are good!
If for no other reason for mother's to console each other on that second baby! :)
So, um. In Catholic circles, we baby shower for the first girl, the first boy and then every fifth child. But, we party for every baby. Esp us Irish Catholics, who don't need much of an excuse.
Can I get a baby shower? I can act like one at the drop of a hat!
When I was pregnant with my second, my girlfriends threw me a diaper and casseroles shower. Everyone brought either diapers or food for my freezer, and it was perfect. I didn't have to buy diapers for the baby's first three months, and I didn't have to cook for the first two weeks.
When my sister told the women at work I was hosting a baby shower for her, they were all shocked. They said it wasn't typical for a second timer to have a baby shower.
Unfortunately, like you said, my sister donated everything after my niece outgrew things. She never thought she'd have another little bundle of weepy poopy! ;o)
With my first, I ended up with 9 million 0-3 month outfits; 47,073 cloth bibs; 995,671 weensy little baby blankets; and 67,832 stuffed animals.
Needless to say, after finally getting rid of all that stuff, I didn't want a shower for my second.
Not to sound ungrateful, or anything, but I truly just didn't want anything for my second. My friend gave me all her daughter's outgrown clothes, and all the big stuff I still had from my son.
A celebration would have been nice, though.
my friend calls 2nd, 3rd, ect showers "sprinkles". i agree that every woman should have some kind of celebration for the birth of her baby!!!
I agree with celebrating every baby, but usually get the most pushback from my pregnant friends who I offer to throw showers for. They feel like others will think these negative things about them, and it causes fear. I hate that! A new baby is such a joy, and as you said, there are still such necessary items the new baby will need. If the folks are your friends, they will want to celebrate each baby's birth and experience with you. So go on, party!!
I love the build a library theme!
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STARBUCKS
I thought for sure I invented something...a baby carrier for the shower or pool. Then I saw 2 different kinds on the market, one by body glove.
And um. STARBUCKS! Tee hee!
Oh I absolutely agree! I had a wonderful baby shower for my first son but none for my second son. Then we moved and I was given a shower for my daughter. So now my poor middle son is the only one who didn't get a shower at all! No fair.
Makes me want some STARBUCKS! tee hee.
I agree with all your points, but you forgot one. Diapers! Whether or not the mother has enough money for new clothes and stuff, the diaper budget is going to double (or restart if the others are already trained)
I love the term "bundle of debt"
I love the idea of celebrating life whenever possible. Besides, seriously, when a woman already has a kiddo or two and therefore has no time for pampering herself, etc., the idea of a party in her honor with CAKE and PUNCH and FRIENDS and GIFTS - what a morale booster! I say shower away, every time!
If I were going to have another kiddo (and we're not - we're officially "done"), I would most certainly want a gift certificate to STARBUCKS. Definitely. :)
mamaredhead (at gmail)
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