Pick one to answer in a comment.
1. A good friend has been working on a book for years. Writing is her source of pride and joy in life. She finally asks you to review her manuscript, and it's truly terrible. What do you tell her?
2. Your plane crashed in the Andes and no help seems imminent. You ran out of peanuts and tiny bottles of vodka days ago. The only remaining survivors are you, your mom, and Obama. Who do you eat first?
3. One of the neighbor kids keeps banging on your windows, day in and day out. You've spoken to both the kids and the parents, but it continues. Both parents have served time in jail in the past for assault. What do you do? (Really could use some help with this one.)
4. You're boarding a full flight that's going to take several hours. To your surprise and dismay, you find you've been assigned a seat next to the writer or actor (your choice) you can least stand. He / she is in a chatty mood. Who is this person and what do you talk to them about for the next five hours?
5. Out of the blue, you receive an email from a long lost love, from a relationship that did not end well. They want to make apologies and such, tell you a bit about their current life, and want to know about your life. Do you answer?
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1) I'm an editor at heart. I think I'd probably give some basic edits, maybe some veiled suggestions that it might stand for some substantial rewriting, and then I'd rewrite it in my head...and maybe on paper (or in a computer) if I'm feeling especially anal.
2) oh that one's easy...Obama's definitely going to be meatier than my mom. And then I can enjoy my Starbucks! ;p
3) Can't help you there...sorry...I can't think of a single thing that I think would actually work.
4) Mostly I'd be amazed that I was in first class. Then I'd let my son have his way with them. They would either turn out to be a really nice person, or they would very quickly stop talking to us.
5) I'd respond to their questions, wish them well, and be on my merry way with my _much_ better life.
And did I mention Starbucks? ;p
Starbucks - oh yeah!!! Great giveaway!
5.) I wouldn't reply, but I would print out the email and use it for a coaster under my Starbucks coffee.
5.) I wouldn't reply, but I would print out the email and use it for a coaster under my Starbucks coffee.
One afternoon, while I was drinking some Starbucks after work, the little neighbor girl came over to peer with both hands through the patio door into my living room. I had asked her to knock on the door when she wanted to play...and being tired I had not answered on this particular afternoon, so she took it into her own hands to ascertain whether or not we were, in fact, home. I saw her shadow slipping up to the door and flattened myself against the wall. When she firmly pressed her face to the window, I leaped out in front of her and yelled "what?" Have you ever seen a nine year old levitate backwards? She never stared through our window again. You may try it if you wish. BTW just so you know, you might want to be friendly with the parents before you attempt to scare the poop out of their kid……. it didn't bother her mom in the least, in fact, she was happy to have her kid scared off the window peeping.
1. Oy, I'd probably give some constructive criticisms and find something good to praise her on. I don't do confrontations well.
3. I'd probably record it and then play it for the parents, asking them for help.
5. Yes, I'd be polite but distant.
(Starbucks!)
Intruiging dilemma's!
1. Break it to her gently, make positive suggestions. She's a good friend after all, you want to be honest - but helpful!
3. I'd call the police, explain the situation. Maybe you can get it dealt with anonymously?
4. You don't! You pop in those ear plugs and feign (or not) sleep.
5. Nope. DELETE! Then treat yourself to a Starbucks!
We used to live in a duplex with wood floors. The people on the other side would let their boys rollerblade up and down the hallway at all hours; they would also let them kick the wall that separated their bedroom from ours. We actually had to move into a different bedroom. Never did come up with a solution, though I guess we should have bribed them with some Starbuck's gift cards to stop making the noise.
3. It's going to take scaring the pants off that kid to get him/her to stop.
I've planted the seed. Now it's up to you to figure out the rest ;-)
(@ starbucks ??)
4) If I was seated next to Pauly Shore on a flight, I would first try to shoot laser beams out of my eyes to kill him. If that didn't work, I'd spend the flight psychologically torturing him.
5. Hell, Yeah. I always believe in finding peace and closure in difficult situations.
Starbucks.
I'll go with number 5:
Yes I'd answer, I love my life. I have no regrets, so even those prior relationships that ended badly, at this point in my life, it would just be getting back in touch with an old friend. (& dh would be fine with it too).
(starbucks)
#5 - I did exactly this. It healed a lot of hurts and although we'll never ever be friends, it helped to part knowing that there was, at least, closure.
Sorry, Obama, but the world can use one less Socialist.
Couldn't choose between 1 and 5 b/c they hit the closest to home. Can I do two? Sweet, thanks!
1. I really should tell the truth, but I don't want to come across so arrogant as to assume I KNOW what makes a book sell (although I really think I DO know this, even though I don't have any professional training (or whatever it takes) on the matter). So, I'd give a bland, supportive response, which is very unlike me, and my friend would notice that it's very unlikely, so she'd pry and pry and pry until I finally gave a milk-toast version of my true feelings to her.
5. Yes.
2. Obama, because my mom is skinny and doesn't have any meat on her to begin with.
3. Could you talk to someone in the apartment management? Else, I would let your kids bang on their windows.
4. Honestly, I love talking to new people, so I would probably just talk to them, try to figure out if the reason I don't like them is valid or not.
5. Yeah, I would respond, thank them for their aplolgy and give them a brief summary of your life. I run into a couple of ex's now and again and the first thing that comes through my mind is "thank GOD I am not married to them." So I just make the usual "I'm good, how are you?" chit chat and then leave.
1. If this person is serious about being published, I would give my overall impression of the plot, etc, then tell the truth about the problems as kindly as I could. (I'd want someone to do that for me.)
2. Oh, too easy. He don't look tasty, but Obama, with ketchup.
3. This kid needs attention. I'd make friends with him. (Maybe get him a Starbucks mocha latte...) Then hopefully, it'd be easier to get him to stop. Or plant a thorny bush by my window.
4. Show him pics of all my kids, and if he acted interested, my bad opinion might be changed.
5. Show him pics of all my kids, and if he acted interested, have him committed.
1. I'd try to be gentle, but would offer constructive criticism and then recommend that the friend join an online writing collective that offers help and advice to new authors.
2. I think it's interesting that nobody so far has said, "Neither one, I'd rather starve than resort to murder and cannibalism."
3. Tell the kid that the next time it happens, you're going to the police. If that doesn't help, tell the parents the same thing and say that you plan to complain about harassment. If talking to the police doesn't work, Google "revenge" and choose the method that suits you best.
4. First, see if you can trade seats with somebody who'd like to sit next to this person. If that doesn't work, ask them for anecdotes about their career; they might have interesting stories even if you don't like them.
5. Only to say that I'm glad they're doing well, but that I've moved on and am not interested in maintaining contact.
I chose question three because it really sounds as if you need help with this one. Obviously you’ll get no help from mom and/or dad so we have to come up with a quick-fix. I was actually thinking along the same lines as Lisa, thorny bushes outside the window. But it sounds like in your neighborhood those bushes would come up missing in no time at all. So I’m going with good old fashioned bribery now. Tell the kid that at the end of every week he has not knocked on your window he gets a prize maybe you can quickly change his behavior.
A. You will be rewarding good behavior once a week and not daily.
B. Something cheap like chocolate chip cookies would most likely work
C. You’re not hurting the child and you won’t have to deal with his parents because next time you approach them could be on one of their bad days so you need to play it safe here.
By the way, have you asked the kid why he’s doing this? It does sound like the kid isn’t getting any attention at home and is just plain lonely. Maybe you could divert his energies to something more constructive like helping around the neighborhood or something? Picking up garbage? “Here’s a big bag to collect garbage, come back when it’s full and I’ll give you a treat.” (?)
Sounds like you need a treat, too. How about a Starbucks?
Oooh, the first one. That's tough. Well, I'm afraid that person could be me someday. My only hope in life is to be a writer, and I'm afraid I suck at it. So please, please let me, I mean, her, down gently. Just let me, I mean her, send it out to editors. That way you don't have to be the one to say how bad it sucks. (Starbucks)
2) Obama. Sorry, Obama, but I love my Mama. You gotta go. (Starbucks)
3) Move. I'm very non-confrontational. Also, a huge weenie. (Starbucks)
4) I'm not sure who it is. There's no one that I just can't stand. I'd pretend to sleep.
5) I'd answer, let them say their piece.
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that says how to find Washing Soda. Good luck, and feel free to ask more questions if you have them.
I'm glad that you're the one with these moral dilemnas and not me. #5 is rough. Good luck with all of these. I'm an editor normally so #1 is a big toughie. It's the whole, do you tell someone if an outfit looks bad when they tell you about this great new dress they bought? It's honesty or being nice.
my solution to #3:
1. go to home depot, and buy a replacement window.
2. take a glass cutter, and score the existing window in such a way that it breaks easily and presents sharp edges.
3. prepare a first aid kit, an "i told ya so" speech and wait.
1. I would tell them, as politely as I could, that they need to get a second opinion. I'm not very good at editing anyhow :)
2. Obama... sorry country, but I love my mom.
3. If you have talked to them several times, I would call the police (I'm assuming you don't have a neighborhood association). I had a similar situation, though it was a domestic violence situation... and I ended up moving rather than dealing with it (not a good one for conflict).
4. Luckily most famous people just want to be left alone (I think they probably face the chatty person who won't leave them alone a lot more than I am likely to face a chatty famous person). If I have to choose someone, it would probably be Paris Hilton or the type who is only interested in talking about her shoes, bags, little dogs, etc (though who knows? She could be really pleasant in person).
5. I would write them back... I have a former friend who went off the deep end and the second to last time I saw him was severely strung out on drugs in a bar. I worried about him on and off for a couple of years until by luck he was cast in a play that I was costume-designing. Though we didn't part on the best of terms it was great to see him again and know that he was getting his life back on track.
Ooops.. I didn't mention Starbucks.
#3: I would let housing know, but we are military so that doesn't help you much. You can try and talk to the manager of the apartment complex, but of course there could be retaliation, so I guess if I were you I would ignore it?
1. I'd cheerily point out to her that Dan Brown also can't write a proper sentence to save his life but look at him now ... (then duck as she attempts to punch your lights out).
Everyone who answered more than one should be disqualified from your Starbucks contest for not following the rules ;-)
5. No. The guy is only trying to make contact to ease his own guilt of dumping you in the first place. And now that he's all happy and such, he wants to clear his conscience to complete his now perfect life. Let him think you hate him forever - it's the least you can do.
1. I'd tell her I don't read much, long words bother me. Are there lots of pictures?
2. I'd probly try at least one of the dead bodies before starting on the survivors.
3. AK-47.
4. Produce your friend's m/s and ask if he'd like to star in the movie version.
5. Hell yeah. Life is short, enjoy it while you can.
5. I wouldn't reply to the email. His loss and I've gone on with my life. Plus, my husband wouldn't appreciate my talking to a former love. Instead, I'd call up Best Friend and we'd go to Starbucks and trash our exes.
#3 - If the kid is 12 or over, there is that newfangled high-pitched noise device, although I don't think it's that affordable (or available in hardware stores):
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080423/ap_on_re_us/teen_be_gone_1
Alternatively there is the motion-detector sprinkler, but kids are more likely to figure that out (and turn it against you) than cats or deer.
1. I'd read it, offer natural editing, tell her that an agent is the best one to tell her if it's marketable. Tell her it's tough to get published the first time, and wish her luck.
2. Who ever dies first, but I think we should start hiking.
3. Contact police regarding trespassing and harassment. The kid probably need attention and/or a role model, but that's not your job.
4. Pull out a sleep mask, and feign sleep.
5. Delete it. This is not innocent.
I'll take #1. If it's a friend I don't care for (I have one like this), I tell her I LOVE IT. If it's a friend I care for I am brutally honest and offer my (albeit perhaps useless) advice!
#3. Get the scariest, most grotesque mask you can find and an airhorn. Sneak under banged upon window and jump up screaming and blowing your horn. Should scare them away for a while.
If you want to induce a heart attack, have your husband ALSO sneak up behind them in the same get-up. After they turn from you, they run into him. Take pictures.
5. Not only WOULD I answer, I HAVE answered...and it turned out pretty good. We just both sort of mulled over how happy we are with the way our lives have turned out without each other, and then went our separate ways again, this time peacefully.
He now works at Starbucks, by the way. ;)
OOOOOOOH! You always have the bestest posts - love this! Are any of them real? (Well, obviously the plane crash one is, lol! But the others, too?)
As for the snot at the window- take him aside sometime and confide to him that you think you've seen some kind of vicious ghost lurking around your apartment windows, making strange, evil noises- and if he sees the ghost could he please let you know so you can try to scare it off with a candle? Then walk around with a candle sometimes when you know the kid is around somewhere...
For #1 - I'd tell her to ask a professional for my comments may not be valid for I may be subjective since we are friends. Well, I am simply not qualified to review a book.
For #4 - Chatting is always nice at the airplane. I'd welcome any chats. And I basically ask non-personal, non-invasive, vague questions.
For #5 - Sure. But I'd hint to him that the goal for the communication is closure, nothing less or more. Closure is always helpful in moving on for my own and his sake.
1. Tell her that the script did not do anything for you. Offer some positive suggestions on how to improve it.
2. Not touching this one.
3. Invest in some motion sensitive lights and horns. After it goes off, I doubt the kid will be back. Or, wait until they are banging and then tear open the curtains and flash something scary.
4. Politely say I need to concetrate on other things, and then go about your business. If that doesn't work, ask to be reseated. If they are famous, someone will jump at the chance.
5. If you're okay sharing some life details, go ahead. But end it by saying you've moved on and I hope you can do the same.
I've actually lived through a derivative of Number One. A friend of mine wrote a romance novel, which genre I happen to adore, but when I never offered to read it for her, she got offended.
She eventually had to publish the book herself, complete with a website where one can order the book, and a picture of the author in medieval garb. I am SO GLAD I never read it. Hard to hide that kind of hate.
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