Message from the Past

I was looking through some old files and found this freewriting assignment I did four years ago, how I saw myself in five years. So I still have one year to go, but I found this a little funny, a little mortifying, and a little uncanny, so I thought I'd share.

October 27, 2004

Today’s assignment from Pen on Fire: describe how I see my life five years from now.

Okay, this one is a little tough for me because there are so many things that I don’t want to happen and I spend so much time worrying about those things happening that the fun part of hoping fails to get in. But I’m going to make a serious effort here. Okay, in five years I will be 33, and Brad will be 38, and Max will be 6 and a half. Wow. We will probably have at least one other child by then. Let’s assume for hope’s sake it’s a girl, who I’ve already named Faith Elizabeth.

(I still like this name, but it's way too normal for me to use if you know what I mean.)

Faith also has Brad’s dimples, but looks more like me than Max does.

(Jessamine has one dimple on her left cheek that is barely visible.)

She has my hands and feet, which are small, thin, and elegant, whereas Max has Brad’s farmer hands and feet.

(El oh el. If anything Max takes after me physically and Jessamine takes after Brad.)

We are living in a two bedroom apartment, so Max and Faith actually have to share a room. We’ve had to rent a storage unit as a result, because we don’t want to throw anything away in case there’s a third child. Max and Faith fight, but are still buddies. Faith is three years old, and has just graduated to a big bed from the crib, which has been retired to the storage unit.

(No storage unit, we don't have enough stuff to require it. We never used a crib.)

Brad is bugging me about having a third child because he wants a total of four. I’m not sure how I feel about this because while I was originally planning to have a large brood, I was wonderfully satisfied when it was just Max. I certainly don’t regret Faith but feel the family is complete.

(Number three squarely in the oven.)

Brad is still working for Condo-Trader, and also helping at Dirty Works on the weekends, and not making a whole lot more money.

(Thank God we no longer live in Florida, so this did not happen.)

I , however, have just published a novel, and interest is being shown in the children’s books I’ll be doing with Melissa. In addition, I’ll be doing more work from home for Melissa.

(How presumtuous was I? Melissa and I couldn't agree on whether our main character would be a hot dog or a macaroni, so that nipped that in the bud right there. And as for writing a novel, I find that prospect nauseating.)

Brad wants to use the extra income to buy a house, preferably in some horrible place like Montana, I want to start my own business.

(LOL how about New Mexico?)

Maybe a coffee shop, maybe a boutique, maybe a gift store. I want a real rented space with a physical inventory, where people actually come in and buy things at my cash register while Faith and Max work on their lessons in my office, frequently calling me in to settle a dispute or explain something to them and tell one of them to stop touching the other.

(Would still love to do this, but I don't see it happening.)

My hair will be pretty long by then, and I’ll have a much better wardrobe thanks both to the added income and my inside track with Melissa.

(This may be the funniest park of the whole thing. Maybe when fashion designers start making clothes for skinny people again, which will happen about the time Al Gore personally takes an axe to an Arctic ice shelf.)

Brad will have quit smoking.

(Almost three years now.)

OMG, Arielle will be 18.

(My niece, she'll be 17 soon.)

Max will be doing well in Karate, and Faith will be starting ballet, both will be learning piano (we will have a piano weighted keyboard, seeing as our apartment will be too small for a piano), and we’ll be planning for Faith’s karate days. Life will be more hectic than it is now, but still manageable. I will be teaching Max how to cook, and he will certainly be helping with the dishes and laundry.

(I wish. I'd have to have a mode of transportation to do that stuff. Also I'm too impatient to let Max help much with the housework.)

I try to envision what our apartment will be like, and I see clothes strewn everywhere, and toys all over the floor, juice stains on the carpet, dead plants… please God, no! It looks alarmingly similar to Bill and Rebecca’s apartment in Oregon, which reminded me of an old storage trailer we came upon in Sky Valley, where the dust bunnies had evolved into enormous creatures that could both fly and breathe underwater.

(I have since learned to keep my house clean on a regular basis. And not to bother with plants, which WILL die if I go anywhere near them.)

Maybe I should write another five year letter. I won't get any ideas about #3. Here goes.

April 17, 2008

My predictions for 2013

I'm 37, Brad is 41, Max is almost ten, Jessamine is seven, and number three is four. I have been forced to learn how to sew properly, as the infants' department no longer sells clothes that fit me. As it is the pattern makers don't plan for skinny people either, so I've enlisted the help of a former FLDS lady, who has assisted in outfitting me with several puffy-sleeved purple dresses. I hate dresses, but what choice do I have? Now people are too busy laughing at my dresses to even notice I'm wearing socks with my Birkenstocks. Brad finally has the kilt he's always wanted, but he refuses to wear the matching bloomers. It is made of the itchiest wool I was able to find, but he persists in wearing it. I finally got a vehicle, a refitted mail truck. We installed several sturdy nylon loops for the kids to cling to as we go about our business, as there are no seats in the cargo area. Sometimes people try to chase me down and hand me a bill they forgot to send. I used to correct them, now I just take it and pop it in the mailbox when I get home. It took some time getting used to driving on the right side of the car, but I've decided it makes me feel very European, especially since I stopped shaving my legs. Max is about average with his "schoolwork," but excels in art and has been learning to play the guitar. Jessamine is very studious and is active in the AYSO. Brad's vasectomy was apparently very successful. I even catch him crying sometimes when Daniel Radcliffe, who is being billed as the next James Bond, makes an especially spectacular rooftop jump. My hair bow business venture failed, but at least Jessamine has plenty to choose from when she does her hair. The economy bounced back just fine, and the price of gas stabilized at around $4.00. Forever stamps are up to $.45 now, and I just kick myelf when I think of the three dollars I might have saved if I'd bought a roll of one hundred back when they were still $.41. Not that I mail anything anymore, but you know, if I did mail stuff I'd have saved a whole three dollars. Dad made a name for himself with the local dealerships and after about two years he and Mom moved into a nice McMansion near Rio Rancho, and they built a little adobe casita for us on the back. It's a little smaller than our apartment was, but we just put the kids in hammocks on the porch to make room for our computers and such in the second room. Jessamine got nibbled by a prairie dog once, but we screened it in and there haven't been any problems since. It's nice to have a hammock or three to lay in of an evening while the kids are doing stuff like washing the dishes, working on their blogs, or helping my dad in the garden. Brad is doing just fine at work, is now a closer with his own team of salesmen. We just closed the deal on a piece of land out in the boonies, and hopefully we'll begin construction on our Earth Shelter home soon.

There, that's slightly more realistic.

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