Does this top make me look pregnant?

This post is going to be my shortest ever, I can feel it! Don't worry, I'll make it up to you tomorrow with a nice long one.

Here I am at the 19-20 week mark. That's supposed to be about the halfway point, but for me it's more like the first trimester. My gestation period rivals that of the great pachyderms. Just as well because I have yet to purchase a single sock for this child. I don't really feel any urgency about that either, I seem to have this sense that an entire wardrobe and nursery will come out with the afterbirth.

So I went to a Mother's Day brunch with my mom on Saturday. It was a salad pot luck, so I made Brad's family's famous 7-bean salad. It's not the kind of salad that actually looks very tasty, but once you've tasted it there's just no going back. Unless it's for seconds or thirds.

Brad stole a bowl of it the night of. I didn't realize it at first, I was laying in bed reading (The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton). Then I heard Brad say, "(mumble mumble) better than sex."

"What?" I asked, sitting up, "whats better than sex?"

He guiltily held up the bowl. It really is that good. Or maybe I'm that bad?

When a woman brings a dish to a pot luck, she watches surreptitiously to see who is eating it, and how much. She fantasizes about being asked for the recipe, and wonders if she ought to have brought a few copies of it to hand out. If her dish is ignored, she will feel slighted.

Normally I would be doing that very thing, but with this salad I was actually hoping no one would eat it so I could bring it home and serve it with dinner that night. And breakfast the next morning and so on.

At our table there were seven women, and only two of us did not have some version of the name Marie, one of whom was a very tired woman of about my age. My mom and I filled our plates once and were full. We watched then in awe as the other five women repeatedly filled their plates and quickly polished them off.

When it was time to go I was thrilled to find my beans virtually untouched. We picked up the kiddles from the kiddle area where they were being watched by some very responsible 12 year olds. Jessamine told me angrily that the girls had continually called her "Baby." "I'm not a baby," she said, "I'm a big gworl!" And at the wisened age of 2.5, indeed she is.

7 Crack -I mean Bean- Salad

1 can each:
kidney beans
garbanzo beans (chickpeas)
butter beans
great northern beans
lima beans
wax beans
green beans
1 white onion, chopped
1 cup apple cider vinegar
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 tsp. table salt
1 tsp. Lawry's seasoned salt
1/2 tsp. oregano
1/4 tsp. pepper

Drain and rinse the beans and put them in a large bowl with the onion. Mix the other ingredients in a separate bowl until the sugar is dissolved. Pour over the beans, cover, and refrigerate at least overnight.

Sunday morning Brad kindly took the kids to church by himself so I could watch porn and engage in heathenistic activities make Pioneer Woman's apple dumplings for our family brunch. I had just gotten started when my MIL and SIL Delanie called to wish me a bittersweet Happy Mother's Day, bittersweet because Brad's beloved grandmother passed away last week.

"Are you excited?" Delanie asked (about Mother's Day, not Nynee's passing, you sicko).

I was taken aback, then I remembered that her son is only two and she hasn't yet learned that breakfast in bed and all that jazz only happens on commercials for Hallmark and franchise jewelry stores. Cackle Cackle! Not at all, we spend such days slaving away in the kitchen, that we may concoct delightful vittles with which our spouses and children may then honor us. And then we wash the dishes.

As far as the apple dumplings are concerned, let's just say you can't die until you've had them. And once you've had them you'll probably be three steps closer to a heart attack, so it's just as well. They were extremely easy to make, and something kids can help with. Pioneer Woman put together an excellent tutorial here.

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